I feel like 2020 can be summed up in one word - chaos. This year has been nothing like I anticipated. I imagined starting a new job, moving, exploring a new city and my husband traveling to/from Indianapolis periodically. I imagined our family coming over and staying with us occasionally. Instead things have been crazy and nothing like I imagined, hence the chaos.
I am very much a Type A personality and I want to work to have control over things. I can barely leave my kitchen in a mess, because it isn’t relaxing to have a mess. I have to work in a clean space, because otherwise I am distracted by the mess. I appreciate knowing what lies ahead and then working towards goals. Change is hard for me. I know this about myself and I am working towards embracing change and the chaos that comes from the unknown.
This year has really highlighted to me the little control that I actually have over anything. I like to think I somehow know what is coming, but in all reality I don’t know. I am sure that you have felt that way this year, plans have gotten cancelled and changed and you are left just hanging out at home. It can be sad and disappointing.
I have been trying to focus on the positives of this year and working to be more ok with chaos. I still have goals for myself and for my life here in 2020, but they have definitely shifted and changed in the last few months. At first that left me feeling hurt and frustrated, but then I realized that this is just how things have to be and I need to find a way to embrace that and change my attitude to be more joyful. When life gives you a situation that is out of your control, you have two choices - you can embrace the change and look for the positive or you can be bitter and resentful. I have been upset, but that is not a space I can stay in and I know that there is a bigger plan for me. If you find yourself right now amongst the chaos and wondering what this means for you and questioning what the future holds … know you aren’t alone and things do work out for the best. Hang in there and continue to work towards those goals you have for yourself, never lose sight of that!
